We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
