I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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