I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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