marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we're making bets on your personal life
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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