Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
