I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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