i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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