Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
