It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
