Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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