yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
