Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
What a dumb baby whore.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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