My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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