I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
