well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
