maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I forget how to act sober
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
