Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
