Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
