I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
