you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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