I'm sorry my penis didn't work
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
