Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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