I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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