somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
