I don't usually arrange sex via text message
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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