the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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