Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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