i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
