I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
