remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
