Yo dont text me then not text me
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
