She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
