I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
