when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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