Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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