well I can't set my house on fire every night
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
