chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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