I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
