oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
