cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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