dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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