Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
