The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
