The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
