i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
