i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
