That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you had me at cake vodka
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
