Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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