dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I did not marry a roomba.
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