she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
