So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I don't want my vagina anymore.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
