I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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