Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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