Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
