Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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